Today – the first day of April – PETA is proud to present a brand-new groundbreaking technology that could save lives.
We all know that some birds can learn to speak human languages, but now humans are finally learning to understand birds’ language! A team of engineers and avian biologists has created a revolutionary new instrument that interprets chickens’ speech patterns and translates them into English. The translator can be attached to a chicken via a Velcro band, and when the chicken clucks, the device interprets the sounds and a mechanised voice speaks the English translation.
People are flocking to get the tiny devices, and PETA India managed to get a few thousand of them, which we will be sending to chicken farmers across the country. We’re hopeful that people will stop running afoul of fowl when they can actually understand what these intelligent, inquisitive animals are saying when they speak lovingly to their avian friends and family, demonstrate their excellent memories by asking about chickens who have disappeared (and were likely taken to slaughter) and perform complex mental tasks.
We’re excited to hear back from farmers about what chickens have been saying to them. “I want to go outside”, perhaps? Or “Where are you taking my sister?” We have a feeling that some farmers are going to have a lot of explaining to do.
We’ll keep you updated on how the project is going. What do you think farmers will soon be hearing chickens say?